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We often hear, know, and feel it: we choose the family we incarnate into. Moreover, we choose our parents, siblings, country, time, and experiences...

However, as life unfolds, the path of family choice often appears as a rough and bumpy journey, leading to discoveries about oneself and pushing one to the limits of seeing and feeling. Many uncomfortable moments and experiences arise.

This was true for me, and it remained a challenging journey for many years. What I can share is that the only way to understand and make peace with your family is to fully let them into your being, with complete acceptance and allowance of what they are. Literally feeling your mom and dad in your cells and bones, accepting what you resist or are ashamed of, pushing away, or close your eyes to—letting it all be felt in your cells and bones. I imagine this energy flowing through my body from the top of my head to the soles of my feet, filling me from within. Of course, during this process, you'll encounter resistance and heavy energy in different parts of your body. These are the areas to work on, to understand what lies beneath. You do this with every single thing that arises from your mom and dad, and your siblings as well. You transform even the gestures—let's say you don’t like the way your mom walks or how your dad shakes his head—whatever it is, you let it flow through your body until you no longer feel any blockages or resistance, until it no longer triggers you.

Some aspects will be easier to deal with than others; some may require a lifetime of work. But the more acceptance, understanding, and allowance you find, the easier it becomes to be with your family. Because what isn't working for you isn't in them; it's within you.

Of course, there are other tools, such as family constellation processes, forgiveness, and others, as each of us carries different family burdens and experiences to confront. So, choose what works best for you, or it might be a blend of modalities. However, without doing the work on your family dynamics, you won’t make progress in your own personal growth. I'm sharing this tool because it has had the biggest impact and influence on my own journey. Do I still have work to do? Yes. But I approach it with peace, humility, and gratitude because I now know that it contributes significantly to who I am. I am my family.

Essentially, where you want to be is in a pure state of relationship with your family. I would describe it as devoid of emotion, whether negative or positive, perhaps akin to a vacuum space but simultaneously full—of love and no love, gratitude and no gratitude. It's about pure presence with what is, without attempting to judge or label it. When you're with your family, you're fully there, embracing all its colors, and when you're not (like when you're visiting your family home and then returning to your own), you're fully present with all its colors.

And, of course, there will always be conversations, discussions, and differences because we're all human. But these will affect you less and less emotionally because you've allowed your family to flow through your being.

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